YOUR JOURNEY HAS NO COMPARISON

I failed. 

I am a failure.

These are the words that repeated in my head when I realized I was so far from where I wanted to be. I was 25 and a half. I wanted to be in my forever home by now, married to the man of my dreams, with a child on the way. 

Instead I was freshly moved out of an ex-boyfriend's house. I was on my own. I had my dog, my belongings, and myself.




I had moved into a small triplex apartment, with brown wood trim, ugly tan carpet, and cream colored walls that had a warmer tint. I hated it. I hated that I wasn’t where I had planned to be by this age. My 18 year old self would be so pissed if she knew this. 



I wasn’t grateful. 

I was the opposite rather. I was consuming so much social media and severely struggling with comparison. Repeating multiple times daily, "How are these people so successful and what am I doing wrong?"

I was eating ramen noodle soup and cheese quesadillas for every meal. It was easy, cheap, and required little to no time.

I slept until 11am every day. My afternoons were spent scrolling through social media and shopping online for things I couldn’t afford. I often did independent contractor work such as doordash or grubhub when my network marketing and online teaching gigs weren't cutting it. I had zero motivation.

As soon as I was given an opportunity to go drink, you knew where to find me.

I would hand the bartender my Discover credit card, and off I went with a drink in my hand and a smile on my face. I would carry on with the night suppressing the fact that I was broke, unhappy, completely off track, and everything felt entirely out of my control. My purpose felt lost, but it was easier to not care. 

Not to say that I still don't enjoy having a few drinks with friends, because I do. But during this time, I could not say no. I was so desperate to numb myself of my reality.

It took me maxing out all of my credit cards, my vehicle breaking down, and feeling like hell almost every single day to finally look myself in the mirror and ask “is this really the life you want for yourself?”

I could not keep living like this.

I started practicing gratitude. I started to really appreciate little moments in life. I began to nourish my body with good food. I was drinking less.

I started to think about ways I could positively impact those around me. I started saying no to certain things that weren’t aligning with what I wanted out of life.  I started budgeting. I started creating more and consuming less.

I took accountability for myself and my situation.

I was in debt because I put myself there.

I felt like I was lacking purpose because I was only living for myself.

I felt tired and unmotivated because I was consuming all things that caused me to feel that way. 

I felt like I had nothing when really I had everything I needed.

I was too focused on what I didn't have rather than what I did. 

Comparison sucks, and it’s so real. Put down your phone. Focus on the life you have in front of you and what YOU can create with it. No one’s going to remember you for all of the social media you consumed or for the things you bought or the nights out that you couldn’t afford. TAKE CONTROL.



This might sound cliche— but picture your highest, happiest self. What do they look like? What do they do each day? Paint that picture in your head. Do it now.

Are they happy? In shape? What time do they wake up in the morning? Their hobbies? What makes them happy? What do they say yes to? What do they say no to? Are they strong in their decisions? Are they easily swayed? Are they confident?

If you’re not happy with your current state, self, or environment, YOU have the power to change it. This is going to require a full on identity change, and this isn’t for the weak. 

I am nowhere NEAR where I want to be. But I am better and am confidently on track, learning and growing each and every day.

Here are some things that I found to be helpful during this time and continue to implement.

1. Practice gratitude. Each morning write down 10 things that you are thankful for.
   
   
2. Discipline yourself. Find something to accomplish that you have a hard time doing. If you’re not a morning person, BECOME ONE. This will create mental toughness.
   
   
3. Start your day off with a win. (Examples: NOT snoozing the alarm, making your bed, working out)
   
   
4. Stop consuming so much social media. Overconsumption can lead to comparison and lack of creativity. Your journey is YOUR journey.
   
   
5. Consume things of value. 
   
   
6. Acquire new skills and focus on growth.

Take power over your habits, your addictions, your debts. They can only hold power over you if YOU allow it. 

You only stay off track if you CHOOSE to stay off track.

You have full control to change it all. It’s not easy, but don’t allow that to stop you. Change your habits, your hobbies, even your circle of friends if they don’t align with your goals. Your journey is YOUR journey, and has no comparison.

Stop comparing someone else's chapter 27 to your chapter 6. 

Do not give up.

Your best self is waiting on you, cheering for you, and they can't wait to meet you.